stepping heavenwards

2008-01-20T18:17:00.000+08:00

The Greatest Lover of All Time
-by eric and leslie ludy-
Princely honour laid aside
As He washed the feet of His humble bride
Pouring out His breath and blood
As a sacrifice for the one He loved

And this love which spills on everything
Is the love that I now choose
Like the one who gave it all for me
I give myself to you

All I have
All I am
I give to you in covenant
Like broken bread and poured out wine
I'll love you like the greatest lover of all time

Heroic love that led a king
To choose a life of suffering
Selflessness that just begins
Where human understanding ends

And this love that takes the lowest place
Is the love that I now choose
Like the One who gave His life away
I will give myself to you

All I have
All I am
I give to you in covenant
Like broken bread and poured out wine
I'll love you like the greatest lover of all time

Cos' love gave without holding back
So I love you like that
Cos' love paid the ultimate price
So I will lay down my life

for my future husband :)

2007-12-16T19:50:00.000+08:00

I grew up in sunday school
I memorized the Golden rule
And how Jesus came to set the sinner free
I know the story inside out
I can tell you all about
The path that led Him up to Calvary
But ask me why He loves me
And I don't know what to say
But i'll never be the same
Because he changed my life when He became...

Everything to me
He's more than a story
More than words on a page of history
He's the air that I breath
The water I thirst for
And the ground beneath my feet
He's everything, everything to me

2007-11-27T20:47:00.000+08:00

haha! i find it amazing how after sooo many years disney never fails to make a girl sighhh with wonder n longing :):) with all their royalty and romance elements=D

2007-11-16T20:58:00.000+08:00

Far beyond my deepest heart’s desire
Far beyond what I could ever dream for
Far beyond the fairytale imagination is
Your perfect plan for me
That’s related to romance and all it’s beauty
When the Author of Love scripts my destiny
Far beyond the most that I could long for
I will find the dreams You have dreamed for me.

2007-11-09T19:53:00.000+08:00

I have been a selfish being all my life...and such I might still have been but for you, dearest, loveliest Elizabeth! What do I not owe you! You taught me a lesson, hard indeed at first, but most advantageous. By you, I was properly humbled. I came to you without a doubt of my reception. You shewed me how insufficient were all my pretensions to please a woman worthy of being pleased.

My object then...was to shew you, by every civility in my power, that I was not so mean as to resent the past; and I hoped to obtain your forgiveness, to lessen your ill opinion, by letting you see that your reproofs had been attended to.

-words of mr Darcy upon having his proposal accept by his dear Lizzie-

despite being my unemotional self when i studie lit i can't help but feel a sense of warmth and girlish delight when i read the words of Darcy. heehee. the first thought that came into my mind was: What a man!!

2007-11-08T23:15:00.000+08:00

He will come and save you

He will come and save you
Say to the weary one,
"Your God will surely come"

He will come and save you

Life up your eyes to Him

You will arise again

He will come and save you

2007-11-04T19:26:00.000+08:00

i surrender all
my silent hopes and dreams
though the price to follow
costs me everything

I have wrestled in the darkness of this lonely pilgrim land
Raising strong and mighty fortresses that I alone command
But these castles I've constructed by the strength of my own hand
Are just temporary kingdoms on foundations made of sand
In the middle of the battle I believe I've finally found
I'll never know the thrill of victory 'til I'm willing to lay down
All my weapons of defense and earthly strategies of war
So I'm laying down my arms and running helplessly to Yours

think i blogged abt this song some time back...but it constantly speaks to my heart...
i lovvvee this song cos it really reflects my heart's cry abt relinquishing all for One greater than me...
in the midst of all the uncertainties, to sae im not afraid wud be a lie...
but...

If the source of my ambition is the treasure I obtain
If I measure my successes on a scale of earthly gain
If the focus of my vision is the status I attain
My accomplishments are worthless and my efforts are in vain
So I lay aside these trophies to pursue a higher crown
And should You choose somehow to use the life I willingly lay down
I surrender all the triumph for it's only by Your grace
I relinquish all the glory, I surrender all the praise

of cus like every ordinary girl (and boy) i have dreams tt go beyond just scoring straight As :P:P well well...in His time =)

I surrender all my human soul desires
If sacrifice requires
That all my kingdoms fall
I surrender all

on a lighter note...NINETEEN days till the end of my As (ehh it rhymes)

2007-11-02T19:06:00.000+08:00

when you believe He's all you need
that will be your defining moment
as you live your life
walking in His light
that will be your defining moment

in time of uncertainties this song sure reminds me
WHO i'm to trust

2007-10-31T12:51:00.000+08:00

heehee. the first book i ever read!! :P:P was oni six years old. now 12 years on i am sooo glad tt my mum made me start reading. the downside was tt my chinese reallie stank!! but tt's a small price to pay i tink. and maybe tt's why i wana teach english in secondary schools someday! cos it's like giving my students a magical key to unlock the doors of the humanities and even the science n maths subjects (i tink). hopefully my students will be grateful.

2007-10-25T18:01:00.000+08:00

*sighhh* those were the days...

can't wait for thailand 2007! going up with some of the CRAZIEST pple i know :P

don't we all loong for this!!

hey there man im gonna marry in the not too distant future :P:P whoever you are. heehee. altho i don't know who you are, am looking forward to meeting you in His time=D

as i'm waiting n praying for tt person i keep reminding myself tt the greatest love that i can ever know is found at the foot of the cross. :)

with the As coming up i think i've gone a little bit looney. hahahahas. it's both terrifying yet exciting :p not to mention the inner battle that i have to deal with every now and then.

yet the thought of 23rd november and all tt i'm gonna do after tt excites me to the core=D

all the best 06A02!! :)

"Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army for the battle is not yours but God's."
2 Chronicles 20:15

yes im gonna hold on to this.

2007-10-22T19:09:00.000+08:00

I am a flower quickly fading

Here today and gone tommorrow

A wave tossed in the ocean

A vapour in the wind

Still You hear me when im calling

You catch me when im falling

You told me who I am

I am Yours

And you've told me who I am

I am Yours

2007-10-20T21:05:00.000+08:00

just for fun :P

any wonder why im supporting spain for euro 2008? :P:P

i think that spain is such an exotic place full of mystery and romance (and it's not only cos of the footballers) :p maybeee someday in the not too distant future i'll get my chance to visit this beeeautiful land=D

2007-10-18T19:23:00.000+08:00

To laugh often and much;

To win the respect of intelligent people

and the affection of children;

To earn the appreciation of honest critics

and endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;

To leave the world a bit better,

whether by a healthy child,

a garden patch,

or a redeemed social condition;

To know even one life has breathed easier

because you have lived.

This is to have succeeded.
-ralph waldo emerson-

i looveeeee this poem (or is it a quote?)

that explains why i dearly love to laugh eh :P:P

yup. in this crazy world where things progress at a whirlwind pace think this poem reallie challenges us to take a step back and reallie mull upon what is truly important in life=D

2007-09-30T22:37:00.000+08:00

"You just focus on doing your part and don't try to takeover God's role. Leave the worrying to Him"

spent a good ten minutes sniffing over the fone to a certain good fren of my who had to endure not only my extremely squeaky voice (thanks to my cough and sore throat) but a repetition of jamie-before-big-exam-of-her life routine(i.e. me freaking out and repeating myself hysterically).

guess in spite of the fact that i've learnt to be a lot more calm i've still a loooong way to go.

but anyway in spite of the conversation being oni 10 minutes long those 10 minutes reallie reshifted my focus. so im ready to take on next 2 months and the challenges that come with it. hahahaha. the person might not be the best of talkers but when it comes down to crunch time what that is said is just right. amazing how God's surprises come in the most unexpected ways :)

i am starting to have a good deal of sympathy for my future husband. i conclude he must be a man of great faith to deal with a wife like me. i mean picture the senario where i'm screaming hysterically and the man just calmly sits there n allows me to scream and yak away until i'm satisfied and then gently and calmly reminds me not to look at the problems we're facing but the big God we live for. heehee. poor man. then again i'll adore him to bits so we're even. hahahahas.

okae enuf of dreaming abt the future. cos the present's where im living in.

so take me as You find me
all my fears and failures
fill my life again
i give my life to follow
everything i believe in
now i surrender

2007-09-26T23:34:00.000+08:00

ahhh. the memories of Chiang Mai 2004.

hahahas. can't help but looking back on those days with a fondness. was really a turning point in both my relationships with the people there and my walk with God.

what could be better than THAT? :P

3 years later all of us have grown up now. 6 out of the 8 have finished poly/jc and 4 are in ns. how time flies. yet those few days of being together in thailand away from the world sure remains etched forever.

heehee. sure we've had our rough times in the years that followed. but at the end of the day these are some of the people who've accepted me for who i am...who patiently hang around to here me repeat for the thousandth time about how freaked out i am about my results...who have countless fits of laughter alongside me...who make me scream in delight when they do well in their big exams as if results were my own...who never get tired of telling me time n time again to trust...who insult n tease me in every possible way but still get away with it...and who i'll walk through fire (and more) for :P

all i can say is im thankful for this bunch of crazy people who've thought me about much about faith and life...who've seen all sides of me, rolled their eyes n loved me still...

what i've learnt from them is that when people truely start loving each other...there's really no place at all to be judgemental :)

important life lesson! heehee=D

2007-09-26T21:45:00.000+08:00

hmmm...i think it's strangely ironic how human beings are so bent on accomplishments and the paper chase and getting more more more...when at the end of our earthly lives we all wind up in a small little plot of land or a small little jar.

sad but true.

in lit today we went through a poem which mocks women for championing the cause of love. haha. i want to roll my eyes at such cynicism. i tink the beauty about being uniquely female is that we are emotional and relational beings. whether we're ceos or housewives. think it's quite sad how in our quest to be just like the men we've forgotten how to be women...and men in turn forget how to be men. who says a woman can't be as brainy and as successful as a man and yet remain 100% feminine to the core?

i admit tho that i do have tonnes of stereotypical notions which i must seek to change. but that doesnt stop me from believing what i believe in about what it means to be a woman and what it means to be a man. heehee.

graduation is nearing and i'm excited. hahahas. much as i've enjoyed my time in pjc meeting great people i'm ready to move on :)

2007-09-12T14:38:00.000+08:00

And how can I
Stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me
How could it be
Any better than this

You calm the storms
You give me rest
You hold me in your hands
You won't let me fall
You steal my heart
And you take my breath away
Would you take me in
Would you take me deeper now

You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything
Everything

2007-09-04T11:50:00.000+08:00

Multi-layered of Multi-faceted?

was doing a psycho-analytical take ytd of myself (since i take lit and identity...heehee) and i stared wondering...am i a person with many different faces-you know like how our lit teachers bring to light that we behave differently in front of different pple-or are all these reactions just a result of me having many layers to me :P hence, different pple i meet get to penetrate different layers within my life...

open yet personal?
now this might sound a little weird...hahas....but i am both an incredibly open person (not loose tho) but also an intensely secretive person. i do air and make known lotsa things abt my life...things which i find funny...my opinions on various issues...even certain grieviances of mine (but seldom done in a serious manner)...yet beneath tt are layers of deep mystery (i like to think of it as that larh :P sounds more glam)...grieviances and hurts and dreams and desires which i VERY VERY VERY seldom reveal to my closest frens and definately dont bother trumpeting it...for when it comes to grieviances, i don't believe in tarnishing whoever's reputation (and if i actually do...which is seldom...it's done in sucha funny unbothered way i dont tink anybodie reallie starts tinking what a loser or jerk or meanie whoever im tokking abt is...heehee...zl and candie can testify to THAT :P )...

blur but perceptive?
haha. most pple, even those who've known me for years would say i'm an incredibly blur person. and i am. =D i get lost easily...i forget my things...haha...if u've come into my life at one point of time or another, you would be know what i'm tokking abt. yet beneath that, is a person with great perception abt the future, life AND particularly when it comes to pple...just tt sometimes i appear not to be (freaky right) :P so maybe tt wud mean im blur but not stupid? heehee

shy but friendly?
hahahas! most pple would laugh at the tot of me being shy :p but i am! i reallie am!! if u've known me for say one minute. throw me into a room of new pple or put me face to face with someone of higher authority...i go mute (like literally)... :p but let me spend time with a new friend for an hour and we'll prolly never run out of things to say (unless there is NO chemistry larh)

conforming yet individualistic?
many a times im the follow the crowd person...like say if everybodie wants to go the library i'll go...or if everybodie wants to do certain things i'll do it...and i find my seldom more often that not being one who can't say no...YET...when it comes to other aspects of me...especially me being pressured intentionally or unintentionally to be who i'm not, to do things and behave/ react in certain ways to various circumstances or people, i find myself taking a stand a choosing to do what i please even if it means making othas unhappy. weird right?

so who am i REALLIE?

i have no idea :P

had a reallie rough night. sighhh. and i don't think it's just the tot of the looming prelims. i don't even tink the prelims have had much of an impact on me. newae was feeling rather lost, so i picked up the fone and called sam :P i tink she was rather surprised to suddenly receive sucha random fone call.

but newae! thanks girl for alwis being readily available :) altho we oni meet like once every few months and tok once in a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong while you've shown what just how far frenships from Him can go and just how beautiful they are:) few more months oni and the rest of our lives begin :P and i'm looking forward to years from now when we see each otha walk down the aisles with the respective men God has chosen for us...cos those days are sure gonna serve as powerful reminders of hw we've encouraged each otha along this particular journey all these years.

2007-09-02T21:49:00.000+08:00

You are the light of the world
You are the light of the world
Whoever follows you will never walk in darkness
But will be given the light of life

heard this song many many MANY years ago when i was a little kid in primary school sitting in the hot and stuffy school hall during some morning assembly. hahas. somehow the lyrics of the chorus just stuck with me ALL these yrs (i have a knack for remembering such stuff...and why this doesn't apply to my academics i have NO idea)...and i rmb vaguely trying to locate the song in secondary sku (of cuz to no avail since it was by a local songwriter)...and lo and behold! the VERY guy who wrote the song came to preach todae :p was truly a blessed encounter and was truely reminded of quite a few things w.r.t to my life.

i don't care what people may say, this is the path i choose, i'm running after You

2007-08-26T21:27:00.000+08:00

The Beautiful Game
Look who's made the beautiful game more beaaaautiffuuuul recently :P

hahahaha. he's worth 20 million pounds, looks good in a red shirt, comes from one of the most exotic countries on earth (my personal opinion), scored a classy goal against one of the hardest teams to beat in england and basically is loaded with talent and style :P

i actually watched my first football match in over a year ytd :) hahaha. actually the oni reason why i actually bothered was cause the match was early and i haven watched the reds in action for quite some time =) hence, i still am a loyal fan okae!! hahaha (contrary to what some pple think :P)

Keyboard Dreams

ahh:) the honour of playing alongside such talented pple :P:P

Lovely Poem
The Little Black Boy
My mother bore me in the southern wild,
And I am black, but O! my soul is white;
White as an angel is the English child:
But I am black as if bereav'd of light.

My mother taught me underneath a tree
And sitting down before the heat of day,
She took me on her lap and kissed me,
And pointing to the east began to say.

Look on the rising sun: there God does live
And gives his light, and gives his heat away.
And flowers and trees and beasts and men receive
Comfort in morning joy in the noon day.

And we are put on earth a little space,
That we may learn to bear the beams of love,
And these black bodies and this sun-burnt face
Is but a cloud, and like a shady grove.

For when our souls have learn'd the heat to bear
The cloud will vanish we shall hear his voice.
Saying: come out from the grove my love & care,
And round my golden tent like lambs rejoice.

Thus did my mother say and kissed me,
And thus I say to little English boy;
When I from black and he from white cloud free,
And round the tent of God like lambs we joy:

I'll shade him from the heat till he can bear,
To lean in joy upon our fathers knee.
And then I'll stand and stroke his silver hair,
And be like him and he will then love me.

was watching hotel rwanda and kinda of reminded me of this poem. kinda irks me how some human beings can treat others with soooo much disdain and brutality. reallie shows who's the real monster ehh. it's like the most unspeakable act of inhumanity and animalism ever in my opnion. treating other pple no better than caged animals deserving to be purged away. sighh. but what can we do against such brutality?

2007-08-23T20:06:00.000+08:00

Search me, know me
Try me and see
Every worthless affection
Hidden in me
All I'm asking for
Is that You'll clease me Lord

Create in me a heart that's clean
Conquer the power of secret shame
Come wash away the guilty stain of all my sin
Clothe me in robes of righteousness
Cover my nakedness with grace
All of my life before You now I humbly bring

"God gave us music so that we can pray without words"

2007-08-20T21:04:00.000+08:00

Dear God, I prayed, all unafraid
(as we're inclined to do)

I do not need a handsome man

but let him be like You;

I do not need one big and strong

nor yet so very tall,
nor need he be some genius,

or wealthy, Lord, at all;

but let his head be high, dear God,

and let his eye be clear,

his shoulders straight,

whate'er his state,

whate'er his earthly sphere;

let his face have character,

a ruggedness of soul,

and let his whole life show, dear God,

a singleness of goal;

then when he comes

(as he will come)

with quiet eyes aglow,
I'll understand that he's the man
I prayed for long ago.
by Ruth Bell Graham
Itallics mines

haha...can't for the day when God brings His chosen into my life and i look into His eyes and KNOW beyond the shadow of a doubt that this is who i've been praying for all these years :):)

2007-08-16T20:16:00.000+08:00

Reflections on Lit and Life
I conclude that i am one person who is terribly void of emotions...

no wonder i find lit so dry at times:( cos i simply just dont FEEL for any of my texts or anything which the writers are going thru and everything becomes so darn technical...

and i've learnt u can't reallie go far in both hist and lit if u dont feel SOMETHING abt whatever u're studying...

esp for lit

hence i've decided i shall embark on a journey...to understand more about the writers and their texts and hopefully in the process become a being with more emotions when it comes to lit...

yupp:p cos it's abt life and humanity and it's interactions with it's surroundings n all...

hence! jamie shall learn to love lit! =D

i dont tink im making much sense...hahahas

2007-08-05T17:31:00.000+08:00

Facing the Giants

after both listening to brian's recommendations and meiyi's blog review i finally got down to watching the show and it didn't disappoint me at all. tho it's fictional, was pretty amazed and in awe at the entire plot. about how one broken coach who had six consecutive losing seasons turned his team around through prayer and faith and eventually they started winning when their attitudes changed.

thot the show had awesome truths that are worth remembering and applying in every day life.

Don't walk away without knowing you gave no your best.

Win or lose we'll still praise him.

Son: Why did God make me so small?
Dad: So that He can show how mighty He is

Lord I will still love you
(when the lady found out her pregnancy results-she wanted children really badly-tested negative once more)

dont quit. don't lose heart. hold nothing back.

2007-07-28T22:33:00.000+08:00

with my jc life drawing to a close...

i nv tot i'd feel this way...

but for the first time in my life...

i sure am gonna miss my class!

*sighh*

2007-07-26T22:17:00.000+08:00

White as Snow
Eric and Leslie Ludy

Alone and confused your heart is bruised from sin
Joy is gone from love gone wrong
And you trying to start again
I know that you've been hurt
And you don't know who to trust

Won't pretend, I understand your pain
But I can see repentence in Your eyes
And I know it's not too late
I hear Him calling Your name

White as snow He has made You
The moment You confess His heart forgives
You might think you've ruined
All the plans He has for You
But it's for that very reason Jesus saves

White as snow He has made you
You're pure an innocent like a dove
And though You've done nothing
To deserve His pardonig
You've been purified by Jesus' blood
White as snow

The guilt and the shame is keeping you chained
Not wanting to let you go
It's not how you dreamed
It's not how you planned
And you can't see
That still there's hope

Receive His healing for Your bruises
Receieve His healing for Your rags
You cannot imagine all the plans
He has for You
So take His hands and don't look back

i wept when i heart this song cos the intensity of the words struck me so hard. about how i've been forgiven and all. hahas :)

reallie been an exhausting week for me. crazily studying. never gone so insane before. the last time i rmb being this mad was during psle and even then i had fun. hahahas. now im just slogging my way thru hoping i survive till 23rd november. *sighhh* and yet in the midst of it im learning to remain calm and trust.

2007-07-16T22:56:00.000+08:00

When i read about people from the poorer nations in the world, be it my fellow brothers and sisters who are in danger because of their faith or suffering souls being treated in the most inhumane of ways, my heart is gripped with so much sadness.

i realise that to these people, every day is a fight for survival and they go about not knowing whether each moment is their last. How trivial my problems are compared to theirs!! Yet...i feel restless...it's like i want so badly to do something and yet there seems to be almost nothing i can do except to pray...to pray for a miracle in the hearts of men...to pray for hope...

what can mere mortals do in the midst of so much cruelty and evil...especially when the source of such utter hopelessness comes from fellow human beings?

i guess it's in times like this that i'm reminded that maybe i can do something in my own small way in addition to praying...by living so that the world can see the light placed within me...cos for every light that burns a little brighter, the darkness gets a little dimmer.

carry your candle
run to the darkness
seekout the helpless
the tired and worn
hold out your candle
for all to see it
take your candle
go light your world

2007-07-06T09:24:00.000+08:00

Blessed be Your name

In the land that is plentiful

Where Your streams of abundance flow

Blessed be Your name

And blessed be Your name

When I'm in the desert place

Tho' walk through the wilderness

Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out i'll

Turn back to praise

When the darkness closes in Lord

Still i will say ...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name

When the sun's shining down on me

When the world's all that it should be

Blessed be Your name

And blessed be Your name

On the road marked with suffering

Tho' there's pain in the offering

Blessed be Your name

this song has come to define me and my life as of late. been a most trying stretch for me, physically, emotionally and mentally. Physically cos in the last one month or so i've been sick a few times which has never happened before. Plus on wed there was a scare that something was very wrong with my body cos of all the high fevers (but thank God it turned out to be a bacteria infection only). Mentally cos' of the mid year exams and emotionally cos' of the results. The results definately have been a shock, both pleasant and unpleasant, with unexpectedly better results coming from my worst subjects and horrible results for some of my better ones. But in the midst of the headaches, high fevers. tears, trama, stress, tiredness, i feel my God calling, like a voice being heard over the waves of a stormy sea saying, "Will you trust me? Will you still praise me?"

You give and you take away

My heart will choose to say...

Lord blessed be Your name

2007-06-21T21:38:00.000+08:00

empower me

2007-06-21T16:22:00.000+08:00

keep the faith

was feeling pretty low n deppressed abt my last 3 daes of papers todae. then while i was at macs moping i saw 2 guys wearing shirts with the words

keep the faith

on their backs. and i was reminded once again what i've to hold on to.

2007-06-20T17:23:00.000+08:00

i realise how nice sending snail mails can be:P

in this fast paced and busy world of ecards, emails, smses i think purposely inconveniencing myself to go buy stamps and locate a mail box is the fun of it all. plus a greeting sent this way is a rarity nowadaes.

every time i mail something i feel happie thinking about how the surprise that awaits the receipiants :P cos i read some where that that's one of the nicest things in life!! hahas. after all what comes through our mails are usually formal letters or junk mail. urgh. boring.

i think it's quite ironic how we have to turn back the clock and choose such unconventional and seemingly old fashnioned methods of doing things to get back meaning in life :(

2007-06-18T16:57:00.000+08:00

Oh the wonderful cross, Oh the wonderful cross
Bids me come and die and find that i may truely live
Oh the wonderful cross, Oh the wonderful cross
All who gather here by grace draw near and bless Your name

MYEs are here!! hahas. not exactly something worth celebrating abt but yea. Learning to find joy in the midst of the hardcore mugging=)

2007-06-14T15:50:00.000+08:00

many things i cherish
but for Your kingdom i surrender

saw this quote on winnie's blog quite some time back. reallie reallie spoke to my heart. this is what i want for my life. to lay down EVERYTHING i hold dear and live for ONE cause alone.

2007-06-14T15:42:00.000+08:00

scoring As

getting into a reputed local uni on scholarships

get a well paying job

marry a decent guy

start a family

raise a bunch of smart and successful kids

retire

die

that's the singapore dream.

yea i admit...doing well for my exams certainly is a pleasure=) getting into a good uni too cos it's fun...buut every thing else doesnt exactly thrill me. hahas.

it just looks like years and years of boredom and cynicism coming right up.

please show me there's more to life.

i've learnt as of late tt while results aren't everything, it doesn't kill to put in my very best as long as i don't let it become my sole obsession.

2007-06-09T21:56:00.000+08:00

i'm desperate for You
i'm lost without You

2007-06-06T19:24:00.000+08:00

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands'
Cause I can't do this all on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

2007-05-31T01:43:00.000+08:00

The heavens declare the glory of God

The skies proclaim the work of his hands.

Psalm 19:1

2007-05-30T16:35:00.000+08:00

Wait for Me

by Rebecca St. James

Darling did you know that I
I dream about you
Waiting for the look in your eyes
When we meet for the first time
Darling did you know that I
I pray about you
Praying that you will hold on
And keep your loving eyes only for me

Darling did you know
I dream about life together
Knowing it will be forever
I'll be yours and you'll be mine
And darling when I say
Till death do us part
I'll mean it with all of my heart

Now and always faithful to you

Now I know you may have made mistakes
But there's forgiveness and a second chance
So wait for me
Darling wait for me
Wait for me

Wait for me

2007-05-22T18:00:00.000+08:00

went to the esplanade with doris ytd. the sunset was captivating. hahas. now i noe a good place to go and meditate when the pressures of life seem too overwhelming. church camp this weekend!! woohoo!! reallie look forward to stealing away and spending some quality time with God =D i've learnt as of late tt sometimes just delighting in God's presence is more than enough. hahas. like just sitting there admiring His creation without saying a word. like two lovers who just sit together and enjoy each other's presence, i walk away from such moments feeling...romanced.

2007-05-22T17:31:00.000+08:00

my life...my passion...

my dream (one of)...

ok enuf of my lameless...hahaha...back to studying :P:P

2007-05-21T23:20:00.000+08:00

Things to look forward to after A levels:
1.prom night
2.new hairstyle
3.new house=new room
4.nice pretty new keyboard=D=D

exciting exciting!!

press on press on!!

2007-05-20T23:04:00.000+08:00

To me...love is...

http://dna.imagini.net/friends/

got to noe of this link while reading winnie's blog.

mmm. i guess even tho it's so hard...i kinda noe tt for a love which lasts a lifetime...ANY amount of waiting will be worth it...

2007-05-20T00:08:00.000+08:00

Consuming fire fan into flame,
A passion for Your Name

when will i EVER learn to completely trust that His plans for me are nothing but amazing?

2007-05-14T21:13:00.000+08:00

watched spidey 3 with candie todae. hahas. was a rather nice show. lotsa action. all the action and 3 major conficts all squeezed into one show. like woa. hahas. a literary take can reallie be done on that show lor...hahahas...actually amidst the drama, very real life lessons can be learnt. especially on forgiveness. tt's basically what the whole show is about larh. learning to forgive cos bitterness will ultimately destroy the one harbouring unforgiveness.

okaeeee.enuf of being cheem.

the highlight of the show (to me) was...

da dum! james franco. reallie cute villan turned good guy aka harry. the only downer was that he died and got his handsome face scarred. buuut. he died honourably larh. trying to help his best fren=D hahaha. he was sooo extremely adorable when he lay in the hospital bed and spoke affectionately about this best friends. hahahaha.

okae enuf of my retardedness.

todae in lit we were talking abt how women have unrealistic expectations of men...was tinking tt it is kinda true for me too...i mean unconciously i have this expectation of whoever who God intends for me to be with larh...and i mean...i tink it's rather demanding and unfair to him cos he ain't perfect. hahas. hence i realise i have to look to God to fill me completely before i can even have a blessed relationship with whoever...haha

but well :P tt's something not to be so bothered abt for the next couple of years=D=D

2007-05-03T19:11:00.000+08:00

I see a generation
Rising up to take the place
With selfless faith, with selfless faith
I see a near revival
Staring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees, we're on our knees

something just stirs within my soul when i heard this part of the lyrics. haha. how exciting if we really got to see this happen...if i could be part of this movement...where young people just rise up and decide they wana live for more than earthly things...

spent 4 wonderful hours with may ytd...haha...amazing how we could just find so much to tok about altho we seldom get to see each other and all...such things oni can come about when u're sisters in christ i guess :P ...may may...was truly truly blessed by u :p hahas...you're one of the few pple who can reallie draw me out and make me wana share my life with u!! :):) and you girl are sooo gifted by God in so many ways. hahaha. u're one of the most gifted and multi-talented pple i noe and u're most certainly gonna be used in powerful powerful ways in the years to come!! :):) hahas. love ya babe and continue living for Him=D

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart for what is yours
Everything I am for your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

2007-05-01T01:38:00.000+08:00

Center of the Mark
4Him

To Love God, love people
That's the center of the mark

In this life some things are bound to change
But one thing remains the same
We all need love

Time goes on, it moves like a hurricane
And through all the wind and rain
We all need love

As this world just keeps on turnin' round and round
There are treasures to be found
If we just let compassion lead the way

CHORUS
Draw back your bow, let love go
Shoot straight for the heart
With all of your might, set your sight
Take aim from the start
To love God, love people
That's the center of the mark

Every day, through what is and is to come
When all has been said and done
We all need love

So Jesus came, a gift from the heart of God
He gave us His life because
We all need love

And the love that death could not keep in the grave
Is alive in us today
So we must live to show the world the way

BRIDGE
For the world is the target
And the arrow is the cross
As we set out on this journey
Lets obey the call from the heart of God
Let us Love at any cost

Draw back you bow let love go....

i loveeeee loveeee loveee this song. haha. heard it for the first time 10 years ago :P and yea. it reminds me of my main purpose in life :) haha.

2007-04-28T23:46:00.000+08:00

hahas. loooove this video. it's so raw, passionate, real. hahas. amazing. simply amazing.

2007-04-27T21:12:00.000+08:00

haha. i have concluded i am Ms Worry...

i worry about this and i worry about that and i worry about almost EVERYTHING in life...

im serious :P

if the thots in my head were played like a movie it would unveil countless moments of worrying about everything imaginable...

but as of late...

this question pops into my head every time i start fretting about something and it really stirs my heart:

Just how much are you gonna trust Him?

and it really stops me in my tracks and helps redirect my focus once again. hahas. now i play a little game with myself. everytime so irrational fear which is beyond my control pops into my head, i'll ask myself this question.

and the reply:

with all my heart

2007-04-19T20:05:00.000+08:00

find rest my soul
in Christ alone
know His power
in quietness and trust

i've realise as of late tt im forever striving...forever stressing...forever fretting...and it kinda rubs off those who are around me...yep...im learning that it is okae not to always have to be doing something...learning that it is okae not to always rush thru life at a furious pace...

learning what it means to trust completely

2007-04-18T20:21:00.000+08:00

You are God alone
From before time began
You were on Your throne
You are God alone
And right now
In the good times and bad
You are on Your throne
You are God alone

sang this song on sat...yup...reminded me of the true meaning of worship...and my life's highest call...to glorify Him in ALL circumstances...

2007-04-07T00:30:00.000+08:00

Behold the Man upon a cross
My guilt upon His shoulders
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

show me how much it cost

2007-04-05T20:57:00.000+08:00

mistakes made

the cost felt

the pain...the tears...

the realisation tt God won't take away the pain, but walk through it with me...

the decision to walk right once more...

the joy tt comes with knowing im washed white as snow...

the challenge to pray and wait once again...

2007-03-25T21:38:00.000+08:00

The end of the beginning

haha. common test week is over. and as much as i try to be optimistic, i know that this is only the end of the start of a very long and tedious journey...

nevertheless...

i don't walk alone=D

2007-03-20T19:26:00.000+08:00

And because He lives
I can face tommorow
Because He lives
All fear is gone
And because I know
I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living
Just because He lives

Because You live, I can face today

2007-03-19T19:14:00.001+08:00

I know the plans
That I have
They are good for You
They are good for You
And no matter child what voices You hear
Just keep trusting in my unchanging word
I know the plans
That I have
They are good for You

the lyrics of this super old song came into my mind. i guess right now what i'm learning is to trust. in all circumstances. Trust that my God is faithful. It basically boils down to this.

2007-03-18T17:17:00.000+08:00

An exerpt from two great books: When Dreams Come True and When God Writes Your Life Story

Little kids know how to dream. But as we grow up, we quickly learn to be careful not to put too much stock in “happily ever after” conclusions. Once upon a time we innocently believed in fairy-tale endings to difficult lives. But as we mature and gain sophistication, we often stop believing in the heaven at the end of the race, and so strangely dare only to believe in the hell in which we’re struggling through today.

As one of my disillusioned and forlorn friends in college once said, “Hell seems very appealing right now, compared to what I have to look forward to in this life.” When we experience such disappointment, we quickly run to the nearest rationalization to purchase protective armor, so as to never let disappointment hurt us again. We stop living for something beautiful—and start accepting something mediocre.

When our little kid passion for the impossible dies, everything worth living for slowly suffocates as well.

We give up on the dream of finding a sense of victorious fulfillment and purpose in each day, on making a dynamic difference in this world, on discovering a super-satisfying marriage that lasts a lifetime, and on having family relationships that are strong and friendships that are enduring.

And even more unfortunate, we give up on our dream of experiencing a vibrant love affair with the God of the Universe – a fireworks display of pleasure filling every moment of every day.

Of course, some might argue that giving up on these dreams might be for the best. After all, if you never aim high, you’re never disappointed with mediocrity. When your life aims for the impossible you are usually misunderstood, ridiculed, and lonely. Why live a life of risk and challenge, when a life of security and ease is sitting on your front door step? And why choose a direction that all the sane people on earth have already rejected?

But what if our so-called “impossible dreams” are not impossible at all?

the world sure has a way of making human beings cynical ain't it...the crazy school hours...the pressure to get the best grades...to be the best student...to earn the most money...kinda sucks the life outta us yea...hahas...

while getting As and being top and rich certainly is a nice feeling...i guess i'm on a journey to discover something more...

hahas...and people sure tink im insane =p i've been told time and time again by many (all with perfectly good intentions) to wake up and face the reality in this world...

well...im not blind to the realities of this crazy world we're living in...in fact i tink im perfectly aware of how hard life is like...looking at my family...and the people and situations around me...

but i guess...there's a part of me that still hopes and dreams for something more...and i donno where this will lead me eventually =) buuut...only time will tell!!

"Lord," I lamented, "I'm still so far from who you want me to be...still sooooo terribly flawed...i'm selfish, mean, lazy, quarrelsome, stingy...well You get the idea..."
"My child...you still have a long way to go...and slowly but surely, you're becoming all that you're meant to be..."

2007-03-14T16:56:00.000+08:00

Study Break One

my first holidays...my first study break of this year!!

one thing i've learnt about myself...i can NEVER study in the afternoons. i'll start feeling sleepy even after 8 hours of sleep.

hahas.

it occurs to me that i will probably miss these days of being a youth. where pretty much everything is taken care of for me :)

so yes. as painful as it is to go thru' the As...i think some day i'll look back with a fondness :P

plus...hopefully the results i get next year will make all the pain and sacrifices worth it

2007-03-09T20:52:00.000+08:00

Centre Of My Life lyrics
by HILLSONG UNITED
Let my walk speak loud
And my words be true
Let my life be whole
With my eyes on you
Lord I'm stepping out
From the comfort zone
Letting go of me,
Holding onto You

Freedom comes
When I call You Lord
You are Lord my God

You are the centre of it all,
The universe declares in awe
Your majestyI surrender all
I make you The centre of my life
Lord, I respond with all I am
You placed in me the song
Of heavens melody
Your Majesty
I live to sing Your song

I have found Your peace
It replaces any fear
You have done it all
I can trust in you
So I'm stepping out
From the comfort zone
Letting go of me
Holding onto you
This is your song not mine
It is your song that bring healing to this land

This is your song not mine
It is your song that brings feedom

Your majesty
I live to sing Your song

this is one of the MOST power songs i've heard=D=D this is what i hope to live out in my life every day :)

2007-03-07T19:48:00.000+08:00

I make a vow
My life will always
Honour Christ
Whether I live of die

been feeling neutral as of late...heehee...no sense of dread over the impending exams (which is kinda amazing if u noe me=P)...and the same time...i feel...directionless...yea i kinda noe wad i hope to do in uni next year plus all the activities i have in line once the As end (REALLIE excited about those)...but i guess...now my life just feels like it has no purpose in some ways...

still...it dawns upon me tt right now my main purpose is to bring the greatest glory to God thru my exams and to walk close with Him...

problem is...it doesnt seem THAT exciting...( i mean...who actually truely finds pleasure in studying)...haha...and i am after all a person who wants and loves excitement (yes...shocking ain't it...:P considering i sleep so much)...but i figure tt this is actually a huge challenge...to find true joy in the mundaneness of the books, the zillions of words and the restrictiveness of JC life, KNOWING that this is what i'm supposed to do, where i'm supposed to be at this point of time in my life...

gosh...i can't wait for the end of November tho=D

2007-03-05T21:33:00.000+08:00

i find it simply amazing that sometimes help comes in unexpected sources and from unexpected people :)

a listening ear holds greater power than a thousand well-intentioned words of counsel

have also learnt as of late that it truely is possible to have God-centered friendships with the opposite gender and to seek nothing but to build each other up in Christ...

such frenships are few...but they're worth searching for and treasuring :)

2007-03-04T19:21:00.000+08:00

I Surrender All
- Clay Crosse-
I have wrestled in the darkness of this lonely pilgrim land
Raising strong and mighty fortresses, that I alone command
But the castles I've constructed, by the strength of my own hand
Are just temporary kingdoms on foundations made of sand
In the middle of the battle, I believe I've finally found
I'll never know the thrill of victory, 'till I'm willin' to lay down
All my weapons of defense, and earthly strategies of war
So I'm layin' down my arms and runnin'
helplessly to Yours

I surrender all, my silent hopes and dreams
Though the price to follow, costs me everything
I surrender all, my human soul desires
If sacrifice requires
That all my kingdoms fall
I surrender all

If the source of my ambition, is the treasure I obtain
If I measure successes, on scale of earthly gain
If the focus of my vision is the status I attain
My accomplishments are worthless and my efforts are in vain
So I lay aside these trophies, to pursue a higher crown
And should you choose somehow to use the life I willingly lay down
I surrender all the triumphs, for it's only by Your grace
I relinquish all the glory, I surrender all the praise

Everything I am, all I've done and all I've known
Now belongs to you the life I live is not my own
Just as Abraham laid Isaac, on the sacrificial fire
If all I have, is all that You desire
I surrender all

am listening to this song playing on my cd player right now...really speaks to my heart...it shall be my theme song for the rest of this year in addition to "Everlasting" and "Mighty to Save"

my life ain't my own

9 more months to go...not by my own strength...

2007-02-19T16:42:00.000+08:00

at the risk of appearing like a camwhore (which i am not =P altho the blcym pple would insist otherwise) i decided to post new year pics of me!! hahahas. these were taken in front of a mirror at my ah mah's house. i reallieeee like the blouse + the skirt :p it's classy yet modern =D=D

been a good new year...hahas...amid all the ang pows and compliments by the relatives...reallie got a chance to rest PLUS study a little bit (no i haven been mugging hard since the year started=P )

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4

2007-02-17T16:55:00.000+08:00

I will lay down my idols
Thones I have made
All that has taken my heart

have i mentioned how much i loooooveeee learning the keyboard? hahas.

it's just so freeing to sit in front of the keyboard and worship :)

cny holidaee! long break ahead=D=D yayness.

2007-02-15T18:50:00.000+08:00

feeling reallie reallie reallie drained the past few daes...

think it goes beyond the weather. haha.

deep down inside, i noe wad the problem is.

have been holding on too tight.

have been wishing tt my plans are His plans.

yet i noe i must let go and embark on a no interference policy.

only then will i find true joy.

only then will i find rest.

yet...it's the fear tt prevents me from surrendering it all...

but isnt fear what the enemy uses to prevent me from being all tt i can be?

2007-02-12T20:33:00.000+08:00

i hearby concluded that i am the most short sighted person on planet earth

okae maybe that was an exaggeration:P

but it's true lah...i can oni see my life as it is now...i forget abt the bigger spectrum of things...forget the moments tt im made to go thru now are part of a muuuch bigger plan to shape and mould me...

hahas! and the irony of life is tt once these stages have past i'll be missing em...so the greatest lesson of my life now is learning to be patient...learning to live day by day moment by moment:)

2007-02-07T18:41:00.000+08:00

Realisations

I realise tt i always like to tell my fellow youths that the Refiner's fire is painful. That trusting God is never easy.

Yet.

I've never quite believed tt.

Never quite allowed the Refiner's fire to purify me. Always keep whining whenever He puts me thru His fires.

yup.

but as of late, this verse from the song "From the Inside Out" keeps ringing loud and clear in my mind.

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise

it has become symbolic of the way i wana live. and it will be something which i hope to live by.

2007-02-07T18:25:00.000+08:00

wrote the following poem during the lit trip to kranji war memorial...think many of my classmates wrote muuuuch better poems...ahaha...find mine abit superficial in some ways cos what hit me the most tt dae as i was walking down the rows of tombstones was the countless young men who died and left behind wives. Men in their early twenties. They couldn't have been married for long. Yup...so this is like a poem from the perspective of a young wife who lost her husband to the war. Hope it strikes a chord :P

“He’s not coming home”

Sitting on the front porch,
Sipping a cup of tea,
I listen to an airplane buzz overhead
And think back to five months ago.
Our parting kiss.
A hug that made me breathless.
A tender “I love you”.
Tears tricking down our cheeks.
Then he was off.
Off to a faraway land.
Off to fight for a distant people.
Suddenly, a jeep halts in front of the gate.
Out steps a man.
Uniformed.
Black shoes glistening in the sun.
He walks up the pathway.
Footsteps echo.
I rise to greet him,
Heart beating wildly.
Hope rises within my soul.
Maybe he’s getting the call back home.
“I’m sorry M’am, but he’s not coming home.”
Came an emotionless voice.
My heart drops.
I shake his hand.
“Thank you”
I manage to utter.
He leaves.
Eyes expressionless.
I dash into the house.
Photographs at every corner.
Reminding me of him.
I cry.
I cry a torrent of tears.
We had been married for five months.

They say he died for a noble cause.
Glory and honour bestowed upon him.
“He died so that we might live”
Was engraved on his tomb.
But what life is there left for me?
How am I going to live on
When the love of my life
Has been stolen from me?
How am I going to live on
When the man I was going to
Spend my life with is gone?
Gone forever.

They say soldiers who die in war
Fought for causes grand and honourable
Fought so that men might be free
That their deaths were not in vain.
But they forget.
They forget that these men
Left behind people who loved them so.
Beloved wives.
Loving parents.
Dear siblings.
Precious children.
Best friends.
What freedom is there for them?
What life now remains?

2007-01-31T22:41:00.000+08:00

End of Jan!!
todae is the last dae of jan!!
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!
haha...must start working harder.
feb is coming ! :)
one month closer to the end of As=D

2007-01-19T23:33:00.000+08:00

This past week has been such an eye opener for me...

GP lessons and History lessons plus the news about the floods and natural disasters have hit me in some ways.

i realise my problems and my stresses are sooo trivial and insignificant when matched up against the larger scale of things in this very vast world.

and in a wae i feel soo broken.

have been too blessed already...to the extent where im bogged down by MY own little selfish cares and worries.

where is the love?

2007-01-14T21:13:00.000+08:00

pretty excited to finish this year!!

hahas! have many exciting plans for after the As:P

but first i gotta mug reallie hard for the next few months.

seems like an endless road. buut! im gonna make it :):)

been thinking a lot about the issue of purity.

noe tt ive compromised in soooo many ways in the past years. but recently been reminded of the lyrics of the song "Nothing but the Blood":

What can wash away our sins?
What can make us whole again?
Nothing but the blood
Nothing but the blood of Jesus
What can wash us pure as snow?
Welcomed as the friends of God
Nothing but Your blood
Nothing but Your blood King Jesus

since youth camp this song has been coming back to me over and over again. and i am reminded...yes...inspite of all my mistakes, i am made pure again...

living in purity just for you

2007-01-04T22:44:00.000+08:00

Blessed Beyond Measure

haha! today was my 18th birthdae and what a birthdae it was.

simply the most wonderful birthdae i've ever had.

sku was wonderful todae=D hahas.

thanks for taking the time off to buy the water bottle n the puzzle my dear classmates=) n to nut for lugging the whole thing home n to sku!!=D

n to candie for ur sweet little present!! it meant ALOT=D=D loved the handmade musical box!:)

hahas.

was pretty amusing when the yogurt machine spoilt on me n everybodie cudnt buy yogurt for two hours. oppsee:P:P

n just when i tot my dae cudnt get another better the BIG surpise came at night. hahas.

earlier in the dae i was actually half wondering hw come so few of the church pple smsed me to wish me blessed bdae...esp why those who normally send their well wishes din this year...haha...but was too sleepy so i din tink much abt it for the whole dae. n i was happily assuming they thot my bdae was on 5th jan like what ping and an did last yr=P

so newae...before todae my mum had already arranged for me to have dinner with her @ Cafe Cartel @ Raffles City shopping centre tonight (part of the plan...she din even turn up...haha)

so there i was arriving at 6.30pm, feeling reallie grouchy cos i thot she was late...when @ 6.45pm one sms after the other came in from the church youths, all saying the same thing: Happy Birthday to You. initially i just thot it was some reallie late well wishes...but as more and more of the same thing arrivied i was seriously wondering what they were up to. hahahas. i was like completey dazed n confused n wanted to call/sms some of them to ask what their problem was when they just walked in with like huge smiles on their faces.

n tt's when i stood up in shock. hahas. but at tt moment i felt so touched lah. like gosh. they came all the way down just to eat dinner with me on my birthdae. hahas. to me that was like the best birthdae gift liao...being able to spend my birthdae with some of the people dearest to my heart. hahas. how was i to know that there was more to come.

after the dinner which was highly enjoyable becos ken was stuffing himself to the max n making us all laugh...doris, clara, zd, hong and shaun surprised me with a cake n the sweetest most adorable bear!!

tt left me stunned beyond words. haha. i thought of the effort spent in planning n all n i felt soooo undeserving. hahas. i've always loved giving to these pple la...n for them to give back on this special dae just made me feel so blessed beyond measure...n this is a dae in which i will treasure n remember for years to come :):)

thank you everyone for making this dae special.

and thank you God for seeing me thru the last 18 yrs of my life=)

2007-01-03T20:23:00.000+08:00

First Day
oh my...i nv tot i wud admit this...

but it certainly feels good to be back...

and pjc certainly has improved over the hols. i don't feel so annoyed with the sku anymore. maybe it's too early to judge lah. but the yogurt vending machine n the new cafe certainly makes the sku seem a little better already =D

i don't expect this year to be easy...but im determined to work reallie hard for the major exam coming up at the end of this year. haha. once chance is all i've got n im gonna use it well.

hahas. anyway i feel im ready to studie lah...cos the last time i actually worked damn hard for an exam was for PSLE=P after tt ive been putting in sae 70% of my effort? hahas. i mean altho everybodie keeps telling me how hard working i am...i noe myself tt im a lazy woman who sleeps n slacks half the time at home-which is hidden from the world :P just tt i manage to get my hw done on time larh...

hahas.

so yeap! 06A02...hope we have a great year ahead together!! ain't gonna be easy...but well...nothing's impossible yeah!

2007-01-02T14:28:00.000+08:00

School's Starting

School's starting in a day's time and for once i don't feel any feeling of dread altho in my mind i KNOW that it is the worst year ever in terms of the academic pressures and everything.

and...timing can't be more "perfect" la.

haha. used to wonder...did God make a mistake by not allowing me to come out a mere 3 daes earlier. if i had been born earlier...i cud have finished my As n been having the time of my life now slacking n all.

but becos i was born at such a time and year...it just so happens that on the year of the biggest exams...the people who've been encouraging me all these years with regards to my exams won't be around for me nemore.

PLUS...nearly the whole batch which i grew up with in church are all beginning new journeys in life and are gonna have a blast together going overseas and all.

so i basically feel like some left behind person having to conquer my As alone.

yet.

i somehow KNOW that this year will be wonderful. like from the depths of my heart...i just KNOW that God will show Himself strong.

As for the timing thing...it occured to me that was PLANNED. to me it seemed like it's the wrong year to take my As and all.But God...He ochestrated everything lah. because i now see that on the year of my biggest exam...my ulitmate dependence has to be...on Him.

so yes! am i still sad tt nearly my whole batch of frens are all growing up n im kinda left behind? a little. yet i noe God has big things in store for my life n i just gotta be obedient n fulfil my role as a student in PJC.

after tt...the sky's the limit!! =)

2006-12-29T16:02:00.000+08:00

Turning 18
GOODNESS

it just occured to me i'll be 18 reallie reallie soon.

now is that good or bad? hahas

i have absolutely nooo idea

all i noe is tt life is gonna be tough for the next one year:)

still!! 18 is a pretty good age. hahahas. it just looks nice larh :p altho being sweet seventeen was still my favourite:):)

2006-12-19T13:41:00.000+08:00

No Fear Youth Camp 2006

After months of planning and days of staying late in church Youth Camp 2006 has come to a close. Just like that.

But what a camp it was.

To be serving alongside a great committee which had all the different skills and gifts needed to run a camp was a great honour and pleasure.

To watch the Youth Ministry worship wholeheartedly, holding nothing back was everything i had dreamt of.

To see God touch the lives of many of them was nothing short of a miracle and His hand at work.

i learnt two major things at camp:

1. Fear is what the enemy uses to stop us from living life to the full. From being a real threat to the kingdom of darkness by being all that we can be.

This is a seemingly simple truth. But i can't believe it took me so long to realise it. Was reflecting and i realised how true it is.

The fear of not doing well in my exams and not having enough time to finish my skuwork has prevented me from not giving my all to serve the youth ministry.

The fear of getting hurt and of losing those that i love has prevented me from giving my best in the different relationships in my life.

and the list goes on.

the enemy has been real smart keeping this simple yet freeing realisation from me for sooo long. but not anymore.

2.When one comes before God, time is not an issue.

Learnt this during the last night when when Pastor Steven led us in a time of prayer and praise until 1 am in the morning. Never had sucha long worship session before. But it was amazing. I was shocked wen i looked at the clock for the first time and saw the time.

too often when we come before God we have a sechdule to keep. So when the time is up we move on.

but i now realise that i shud NEVER restrict my time with God. this is one important thing which i must always remember as i enter into a super hectic year next year.

Thank You Jesus for No Fear Youth Camp 2006.

2006-12-05T23:55:00.000+08:00

because everything is so uncertain in my life i have to cling on You my unchanging rock

only Jesus stays by me forever

2006-11-26T20:20:00.000+08:00

Strength and Beauty
was reflecting about what Wild at Heart and Captivating taught me for some reason..

God made us in His image

Guys are the image bearers of the strength of God

Gals are the image bearers of the beauty of God

cool huh? bet u didnt noe that

but think abt it...

the desire of every guy:
to come through...to be the hero

the desire of every gal:
to be captivating...to be the beauty

hahas. some of u might be skeptical and tink me and the authors of the book have gone looney :P but...think abt it...those childhood dreams...arent wanting to be firemen, supermen, princesses etc. all symbolic of those two desires? :)

so anyway...i thot somemore and i got excited. hahas. n i realised tt i wana spend my life reflecting God's beauty...to be the best image bearer of that beauty that i can possibly be...:) and i wanna help others come to see that too...

for guys is that they have what it takes because they reflect the strength of God

and for gals is that they ARE beautiful because they reflect the beauty of God

imagine...50 years down the road...wen we're all old, frail and wrinkled...people come up to you and tell you that you're stronger than you were in the days of your youth or that you're more beautiful than eva...because they see in you the strength/beauty of the King of kings.

now. how cool is THAT?:)

2006-11-19T21:26:00.000+08:00

am going on a retreat for the next few daes! whoo hoo! hope i get to see pretty sunsets and just be enveloped in my Creator's love

this is a highly competitive world...

who has the best grades

who is the prettiest

who is the most talented

who is the most popular

we lie, backstab, give cold shoulders in order to be the best...

yet...there is only ONE whose applause is worth living for...

2006-11-08T22:48:00.000+08:00

END OF PW
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! todae was OP. soooo glaaad tt pw is FINALLY over! hahahas! din go too badly...cept tt Mr. Ang kept wanting to make me laugh. tsktsk.

hahas.

now my hols are in full swing! oh yea=D=D hahahas! lotsa things to do! :) above all...i wanna reallie take the time to rest n recuperate before the worst yr of my life comes upon me in no time :)

thankew seili and xinhuan for making pw such an enjoyable n wonderful experience. working with u guys was awesome=D

2006-11-07T22:10:00.000+08:00

i took from may's blog! hahahas. when i read the first sentence i decided to play too! hahahas! so fun!=D

Message:Can you name 11 people you can think of right off the top of your head?Don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 11 people...This is a lot funnier if you actually randomly list the names first...No Cheating!!

1.Donica
2.Shaun
3.Ping
4.An
5.Meiyi
6.Jolene
7.Hong
8.Doris
9,Devi
10.Candy
11.Brian (hahaha! Of all pple :P u had to come to mind! Maybe it was cos Xin Huan was disturbing u this morning)

How did you meet 10?
In 06A02 during our first three months! Hahaha! I rmb I cud not stop laughing @ her.

What would you do if you had never met 6?
hahas! I guess wud have laughed a lot less in my upper sec daes =P I mean!! this is the babe who writes 2/3 of the letters I received in 2004-2005!

Have you ever seen 4 cry?
yep. Was a very touching moment. Tears of a true man of God.

What would you do if 6 and 2 dated?
Hahahas! Noooo waeeee. Tt is pretty impossible :P They do not even know each other. But if THAT happened it wud be thanks to me. Weee=D

Do you think 1 is pretty?
Of cus!! Hahas. She has got a brilliant smile, great legs and a lovely personality.

Tell me something about number 11
HAHA! He is nice to punch. N he likes a certain bear:P

How do you know 8?
2 yrs plus =) been great

Would you ever go on a date with number 5?
of cuz. Hahas. Love those times when I can talk to her.

What's 7's favorite color?
erm.brown black or white? Heehee

What would you do if 2 confessed he liked you?
HAHAHAS! Noooo waeee! Tt cud nv happen. I wud probably faint or sth due to the extreme shock.

Fact about 9:
Hahas! She speaks to my heart a whole lot. True woman of God.

Who is 6 going out with?
hahahas! She is in denial n thinks she is not attached *grins*

Who is number 5 to you ?
A dear dear sister in Christ who I can always lean on=) rock on babe!

Would you ever live with 11?
no thankew! Hahahahas!

Is 2 single?
not for long =P hahahahas!

How much does 3 mean to you?
great brO in Christ! Really have had wonderful conversations about life and have learnt so much thru his pure simple faith

What do you think about 1?
beautiful talented amazing princess of God and my sister for eternity!

What's the best thing about number 8?
mmm. She has got this factor which reallie draws pple to her.

What do you dislike about number 10?
nth la! =P oni her occasional bullyings. Which are not exactly disliked by me.=P

2006-11-05T21:50:00.000+08:00

haha! finally here are some pics of my baby guinea pigs! really adorable like things :) loveeeee them!

been thinking lately how the desire to be captivating, to be beautiful has been placed in the heart of every gal/woman by our Creator. He meant for it to be good. But the enemy turned the tables and took those very desires and used it against us. He places lies in our hearts telling us that we're not good enough...we don't meet the standards. Now that very desire consumes many of us and we turn to all the wrong sources for affirmation.

and yet...God still sees us as His beautiful creation. He longs to lift u up from our lowly states...wipe away our tears and assure us that we ARE captivating and beautiful.

if only we all truly believed that instead of letting it be just head knowledge. if only i truly believed this Truth...but it takes time yea.

everything I need is You

2006-10-26T19:42:00.000+08:00

Last Day!!
todae was the official last day of school and it started out pretty well...

had a brilliaaant start to the day cos when i got out of the house i saw for the FIRST TIME IN MANY WEEKS a BLUE SKY. i gasped in delight (the picture was taken this morn btw) cos' the recent haze really prevented me from admiring that which i love best. IMAGINE the misery i went through looking at nothing but grey for the past few weeks. the rains have truly done a MARVELOUS job getting rid of the haze and i feel i can breathe properly again :)

seriously can't believe tt it's the last day of school. this academic year has been the MOST trying year of my life so far (next year's gonna be worse)...it amazes me tt i've managed to actually survive the year intact :) i got hit so many times mentally and emotionally and more often than not i felt like just quiting and simply leaving the darn system. but i've made it...bruised, but notheless alive...yup! through the mountains and valleys there came a determination to keep trusting God and holding on to Him no matter how uncertain...

the new frenships made were really awesome too=D thanks candie for always helping me out n bullying me...may and winnie for being my inspiration and wonderful sisters in Christ...seili for helping me with my chinese and the times spent just tokking together...xinhuan for ur constant compliments...ashley for being sucha wonderful person to tok to and to disturb...fauzie for being someone i can always tok to abt anything...ceci and darla for never failing to make me luff...sue for being so pretty and sweet ( i noe u can't help it=P heehee)...xueting for always being cheerful and making me feel cheerful as well...fangxuan for always being ready to help with my hw...jieying for our funni and meaningful chats...secsy and mel for being my fellow bpians and proving to everyone tt BP rox :P...xinhui for helping me out during chi classes wen im stoning...meizhen for always seeing the funni side of things...and all the boys for ur corniness and lameless and EVERYONE for ur willingness to give...u guys are wad makes life in PJ a little brighter and the academic load seem a little lighter...

and here...is my secret to success for this year...

yes...Isaiah 40:31:) this shall be my theme verse for next year too. to God be the glory for being my sustainer and my strength.

2006-10-23T23:30:00.000+08:00

Rain Rain!
oooh todae something awesome happened in the midst of my nap...

IT RAINED

finally...after many many days of hot hazy air it RAINED

what a refreshment

what a pleasure

still...still the haze blocks out the sky tho. cant see the clear blue sku n the clouds. reallie miss such scenes. in Singapore the sky truly reminds me how big my God is :)

now the air smells sweet cos of the rain. my Creator reallie noes what i love...hahas.

and now tt the results are out...i feel like a burden has been lifted...

many thanks to hong for being my alarm clock during my studying sessions n making sure i wake up...n to shaun for tolerating me n my nonsense...and to all who prayed...encouraged me on...n refused to allow me to quit n think negative thots...

2006-10-15T18:14:00.000+08:00

sigh...how easy it is for one to stray...

i know and realise how far i've gone...yet...there is a desire for me to return...

and return i shall...i know i can't be truly satisfied and happie elsewhere...

i'm coming back to the heart of worship
and it's all about You
I'm sorry Lord of the things I've made it
when it's always been all about You

2006-10-07T10:22:00.000+08:00

The Cross and the Switchblade
i bought and watched the show two days ago and it was AMAZING. despite the fact that it was super ex and the show was flimed like donno how many decades ago (the fighting scenes were really corny...haha...like those u get outta old movies) the message was POWERFUL. i was seriously brought to tears by it. n i tot the book was already awesome enough (i was crying at some parts too)...

it's just so amazing how God is willing to use people who simply fear nothing but Him and are willing to go all out for His cause.

that's what David Wilkerson did. He was one man who obeyed God's calling to share the Gospel in some gang ravaged area in the US and he made a difference. gang leaders knelt down on the streets to receieve Christ....the harshest and most cruel of the warlords had their lives completely turned around...

one such example was nicky cruz who was the other main person in the show. he really acted all tough and unreachable but in actual fact he was hurting inside and David Wikerson never gave up on him. eventually this tough guy came to receieve Christ (and i was tearing a whole lot during that part) and he's currently a powerful evangelist winning souls and all.

simply amazing how the love of God can change lives...

2006-10-06T23:38:00.000+08:00

too often we wish to get over with the current stage of life that we're at cos we think that things will get better was we move on...

however when we eventually move on to the next stage we start thinking abt the past...wishing that we had truly appreciated it and embraced the moment with both hands...

sigh. the irony of it all.

im guilty of tt too.

guess it's time to just reallie treasure each moment of my life as it comes along n not think too much of the future cos the future will come eventually.

2006-10-04T00:55:00.000+08:00

New Blogskin!
weeee! hahas. i changed my blogskin. i bet many people out there who can't stand my disney princess fantasies are going, "FINALLY."

hahas. anyways i LOVEEEEE this latest skin. firstly becos the picture's gorgeous, and secondly cos the words are from one of my favourite songs ever!! :)

the oni downside is that the months of April and May in my archives don't really adjust well to the new skin. but oh wells! it still is pretty:):)

2006-10-03T22:16:00.000+08:00

Walking on Water

as i read the account of Peter walking on water in Matthew, a story came into my mind...

I looked at the waves tossing and turning in the ocean and felt a tremendous fear

"Lord!" I Cried.

"I'm so afraid I will sink!"

"Nevermind the waves child," came His gentle whisper.

"Just look at Me."

Slowly I released my tight grip on my boat, which represented everything I had built my life upon, everything which I had depended on to succeed, to survive.

I could feel the intensity of the waves. Everything felt so unstable, like I would sink anytime.

As I began to turn back to hold on to my boat, I remembered His words.

"Nevermind the waves child. Just look at Me."

I let go of the boat completey and kept my eyes on my Lord and Him alone.

And I began to walk on water.

promos are over and as happy as i am...fear grips me at unexpected moments...the fear of not being able to clear sometimes gets too overwhelming...

n yet it is in times like these that i remember His instructions:
Nevermind the waves child. Just look at Me.

2006-10-01T20:15:00.000+08:00

Who's this About Anyway?

Youth Ministry

Youth Camps

Childrens' Ministry

Scripture Reading

Ushering

Services on Sundays

Cell group on Saturday

cell with mac on fridae really made me think. sometimes...i really get off track and forget the real reason why im doing all these...but it's never been about me...never...

help me never to forget that

it's all about You
for Your glory and Your fame

ahhh! 2 more daes!! 2 more daes!!

2006-09-30T00:15:00.000+08:00

My Dream

I had this really nice dream last night about me owning a stallion...hahas...i just love horses!! :) especially wild ones. they're so free and majestic...and powerful. sadly singapore's so city-ish that there's no place to see nature at its best...

still a girl can dream right?

haha...think it would be so cool to have a horse for a pet...not a horse which has been broken...but a horse who's spirit is still strong and fierce and at the same time trusts me entirely and allows me to ride on his bare back, without a sandle or any of those human forms of controlling horses :)

sigh sigh. i think im one who has a VERY short fuse...i tend to lash out at people who i'm prejudiced against...not sth tt im proud of...

2006-09-28T16:40:00.000+08:00

EXAMS!
woa...can't believe it...two more papers n im done:) then it's 2.5 weeks of slacking before the results come out!!

papers haven been THAT great so far. yea. kind of scared about the outcome. lots of things run thru' my mind after each paper...

what if...what if...what if...

but looking back...i realise that altho' im terrified...im not as afraid as i used to be...over the yrs i've learnt to let go and trust... reallie looking forward to Youth Camp 2006!!

2006-09-22T19:32:00.000+08:00

So You Would Come

Before the world began
You were on His mind
And every tear you cry
Is precious in His eyes
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come

haha. love learning the piano :) love playing beautiful songs of worship. been learning it for quite a few months liao and i only know how to play ONE song...the very title of this post. hahas. but i realise tt this song...altho so beautiful and meaningful...gets pretty boring and meaningless to me cos i play it over and over again so many times...and it just becomes a song...sigh sigh...one day...one day i'll be able to play many many songs!! :)

for now...let me reflect on the part of the song which is so true to my life right now...

Nothing You can do
Could make Him love You more
And nothing You have done
Could make Him close the door
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come

yea. it's amazing tt now matter how much im failing Him...He still loves me the same

can't wait for december!!

2006-09-19T19:57:00.000+08:00

Faithless
realise todae tt the way i've been acting like i don't noe God with regards to my exams...tt i don't trust He'll come thru' for me...

well yea...im sorry to all my classmates who have been affected by my crap...yep...if my constant rantings about not being able to clear have affected you in some way...really truly sorry...

basically what i did just now was to seek forgiveness and surrender...surrender and have faith tt it'll be ok...not becos of what i've studied, but becos of who my God is...

think what keeps me going is the little little encouragements i've recieved along the way...a note here...an sms there...it just encourages my heart...little little words of affirmations at unexpected but badly needed times

thank you God for BLCYM

2006-09-18T23:27:00.000+08:00

One Week
promos are in one week. to all my classmates!! Jiayou! let's clear the darn thing together=D

sigh. haven been in a very good state of mind since ytd. maybe it was cos i receieved 3 chain smses telling me tt if i dont forward it to 10 pple i wud do badly for ALL my subjects. most people would either regard it as pure nonsense or forward it just in case. for me, i was seriously in a dilemma. din noe if i should "play safe" and forward it or delete it and have faith tt God's bigger than all the crappy threats the smses carried. noe it seems like a small issue but it was psychological warfare...seriously...haha...but yea...ended up deleting those smses cos i believe my exams are in the hands of One greater than all the curses of this world...

saviour He can move MY mountains
my God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save

love this song. decided to personalise this part as a reminder for my exams!!

2006-09-11T22:56:00.000+08:00

Promos!!
urgh. promos are in two weeks.so tired, so anxious.

not worry and trusting in God is a choice.

a choice i have to make.

i choose You my Lord

2006-09-09T20:33:00.000+08:00

Movie Mara

woa. had movie marathon at church yesterday night. and i slept a grand total of 30 mins!! weeeee. hahas.first time in my entire life sleeping so little =P yup! but it was great. was really happie to see the younger youths having fun=D yup. looking forward to them participating in youth camp 2006.

had a fun time on the rooftop garden with hong and shaun too. =) hahas. the place is so quiet and tranquil at night. altho i was dead tired, i started reflecting on the songs that they were playing while trying to get some sleep.

Let me me tell you of what He did
Hanging on the cross He died
Love so strong was crucified
My God is King

it was some song tt shaun composed quite some time back. n i tot it was wonderful. sometimes it amazes me how God uses really ordinary people to do simple things that touch the lives of others in extraordinary ways. yea. i think he din noe it lah. but the song spoke to me as i was sitting there by myself secretly listening. hahas.

starting to fall in love with my God all over again

2006-09-08T14:16:00.000+08:00

Rain

i love the rain!!

one of the most pleasant things eva is to snuggle in bed on a rainy day.

lalas.

been thinking quite a bit lately about two songs with the same title:

Rain Down
(by Delirious and Planetshakers)

and i envision myself being in out in the open on a rainy day with the rain pouring down upon me on all sides...

rain. it brings life...it refreshes...

N tt's what God does...when we feel really dry and empty...He sends His rains to water our souls...

Rain down on me
Rain down on me
Here in Your presence I am free
Pour down like rain
Come and touch me again
Lord let Your presence fall on me

this has been a constant prayer of my heart

and i believe with all my heart tt the rains will come upon my YM :) with lotsa prayer

it is time for heaven's rain

2006-09-05T22:52:00.000+08:00

despite the fact tt sept hols arent considered holidaes @ all and promos is in less than 3 weeks im still quite happie...ahas! maybe it's cos i get to wake up late =)=) plus do some extra reading. hahas. I CANT WAIT FOR DECEMBER!!

gosh...youth camp...christmas...my favourite time of the year

but it means tt A level year is coming up!!

sigh...if JC1 is alrdy so terrible...what's gonna happen next yr sia...

with even MORE things to studie...

as if now it's not bad enough liaos...

but im starting to see i have a big big God...and compared the the promos and the As He's huge...like an ant compared to a giant...BUT BUT...heehee...im still seeing things from MY perspective...which makes me the ant and the exams the giant...still learning...still trusting...

three words: God is faithful

can i live my ENTIRE life merely depending on this promise?

2006-09-01T09:54:00.000+08:00

Holidays
i love LOVE LOOOOOOOOVE the hols!! =) somehow it just makes me utterly content to wake up when i please and inhale the sweet sweet morning air!! =P sighh! if only life could be like that every day!! during normal school daes it really is so so draining...so many assignments to complete...lessons to rush to...blah blah! by the time i slump into bed it's almost midnight and the routine begins 6 hours lata *groans*

still learning what it means to be still and find peace in the middle of the raging storms

can't wait for promos to be over! can't wait for chi os and pw to end!

looking forward to december...

2006-08-25T21:38:00.000+08:00

today was a pretty dull day! but yea! im having more n more fun with the class now. guess our moments of laughter saves us from going crazie in this mad academic world. will alwis rmb how we rush for seats during econs :P i guess the most amusing thing tt happened to me todae was my attempt at thundering a darn basketball...it flew two metres instead of ten and even spinned backwards...and for the life of me i still cant figure out how tt happened!! haha...but i learn to luff at it along with everyone else :)

The secret of a fruitful life is, in brief, to pour out to others, and what nothing for yourself
-taken from 'Moulded by the Cross'-

woa...just when i was in like depression mode...realise tt too often i bless in the hope of being appreciated in some waes...but im learning tt i don't need tt :) my purpose is just to bless whoeva im supposed to bless and live for the applause from above!